“Uwaaah! I’m gonna be late!”
I’m Obama Barakku, 47 years old! Starting today, I’m gonna be a president!
Tracks
my spiritual home
now you too can get hit on by kaji
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(I work in a Coffee Shop. I was on break in the lobby when a couple walks in. Directly behind them is a cute little boy in Batman costume.)
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Me:
“Oh my God! It’s BATMAN!”
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(The boy stops, strikes a pose and starts looking around menacingly. After a few seconds, he approaches the counter.)
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Mother:
“Jeff, would you like a chocolate milk?”
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Boy:
“I am not Jeff. I am The Batman.”
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Mother:
“The Batman, would you like a chocolate milk?”
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Boy:
“Yes. Yes, The Batman would.”
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(The couple pays while the boy sits down with his chocolate milk. He keeps a stern look on his face as he sips the drink.)
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Boy:
*sips* “Gotham is safe.”
My little sister is getting made fun of at school because she’s adopted.
This is what she responded with “Well, my parents chose me. Your parents are stuck with you.”
wish your girlfriend was hot like me
wish your girlfriend was a freak like me
was that a horcrux
(Source: someonewillcare)
bird privilege is being able to make loud as fuck noises early in the morning without somebody calling the cops on you
I LAUGHED SO HARD I FELL BACKWARDS OFF THE COUCH
WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?
What I think when kids in my class read
- That’s a PERIOD, NOT A COMMA
- That’s a COMMA, NOT A PERIOD
- Why the hell can’t you pronounce that word?
- THE TEACHER JUST CORRECTED YOU WHY’D YOU GET IT WRONG AGAIN?!?!?!
- Can I sleep?
- If you can’t read, why’d you raise your hand?
- You can’t pronounce THAT word?
- WHAT THE HELL
- The fuck you like long ass paragraphs for
- My skin’s crawling
- Oh god not him, his voice sounds like a dying nail on a dying chalkboard
- You skipped a line
- LOL what was that?
- I don’t even.
(Source: youcanbethecaptain)
all my OTPs sittin’ in a tree
HO-MO-SEXU-ALITY
first comes love
then comes marriage
thanks obama
you’re welcome.
(Source: the-family-kenway)
8 month old baby hearing his mother’s voice for the first time with cochlear implant
This is the most beautiful thing ever.
thank you science
THE BINKY JUST…….
DROPPED
IM
CRYING
why ride a rollercoaster when you can ride me
Because rollercoasters can actually make me scream.
(Source: margaerystyrells)
Use #11 - Annoying Tumblr users by making one of those incredibly long photosets that take ages to scroll past
(PS Press J the next time you see this and it goes to the next post straightaway)
this is still one of my favorite photos of all time
(Source: tastefullyoffensive)
